the way we were

First time sister, meeting baby Jeb!

A month or so ago I was reading On Beauty by Zadie Smith.  I read it because I found it in a book exchange and I liked the cover.  It's a strange story and I don't really recommend it.  There was a section that struck me and I wanted to remember it.  In the story, three siblings run into each other unexpectedly and go to a coffee shop to visit: 

"They caught up with each other's news casually, leaving long, cosy gaps of silence in which to go to work on their muffins and coffees.  Jerome - after two months of having to be witty and brilliant in a strange town among strangers - appreciated the gift of it.  People talk about the happy quiet that can exist between two lovers, but this too was great; sitting between his sister and his brother, saying nothing, eating.  Before the world existed, before it was populated, and before there were wars and jobs and colleges and movies and clothes and opinions and foreign travel - before all of these things there had been only one person, Zora, and only one place: a tent in the living room made from chairs and bed-sheets [emphasis mine].  After a few years, Levi arrived; space was made for him; it was as if he had always been.  Looking at them both now, Jerome found himself in their finger joints and neat conch ears, in their long legs and wild curls.  He heard himself in their partial lisps caused by puffy tongues vibrating against slightly noticeable buckteeth.  He did not consider if or how or why he loved them.  They were just love: they were the first evidence he ever had of love, and they would be the last confirmation of love when everything else fell away."

The imagery of there being one other person in your life as a child, your sibling, was startling to me.  I realized that I personally never had this experience that I now assume is common to many.  When Ryan was young, his sister Kristen of course would have been among the most significant presences in his life.  Because I was an only child for six years, my experience has always been as a big sister....slightly removed because of the age difference.  I notice it when my brothers and sister are reminiscing about their childhood and I don't relate to some of the stories....presumably because I was gone to college or working.  This gap has diminished as all my siblings and myself have grown older and age doesn't matter very much.  My experience and role in my family is unique and I don't regret it.   But in any case I think this concept in the story is lovely. 

it feels like home to me

When we were in Thailand these past few months that line "It feels like home to me" from Chantal Kreviazuk's song just kept running through my head again and again. 

Our connection to Thailand keeps getting stronger, and as our intentions develop I find it overwhelming to share what we're thinking....especially because we live in a manner of flux that doesn't always make sense to people.   But I want to try.  

Most people probably know that Ryan and I keep returning to Thailand every chance we have because our lives have become intertwined with lovely people there....people in several different places including those at the Bamboo School (BBS).    I haven't really talked about Bamboo School on the blog but it has become a significant factor in our life trajectory and feel that it's time I did.  

After our first year of living away from America, I had determined that I wasn't interested in returning to the states to my former career (media/marketing).  I love home and I love being near family and friends.  Visiting home is a priority for me and I am slowly but surely brainwashing my family into coming to see us as well!  But as much as I miss the people who are special to me back home when I'm gone from America, I also miss the people who are special to me around the world when I'm in America.  There is nowhere that I can go that I'm not missing someone, somewhere.  I've written before about some of the reasons that I believe Ryan and I are more at peace living in a foreign country.  Ryan and I both truly and sincerely love living cross-culturally.   After determining that working for a corporate company in the states wasn't what I wanted to do or felt like I was even supposed to do , I felt freed to start exploring an alternative life of working in social justice which had been my desire even years ago when I was working in America.  The first time we went to the Bamboo School our intention was merely to explore and learn from a couple different organizations in Thailand.  We spent a couple weeks volunteering at The Well....a beautiful place that assists women interested in escaping the sex trade by hiring them for paid employment which includes classes (in business, English, etc) and creating products (jewelry, stationary, clothing) to sell via fair trade in USA and England.   I was very excited about The Well as I particularly connect with young adults and am convinced that women's empowerment and education is the best investment we can be making into the global community (Give a Little by Wendy Smith and Half The Sky by Nicholas Kristof & Sheryl WuDun are both excellent books that expand on this topic).  We love the women at The Well and can see very clearly a life working with the staff there long term.   We would love to have that opportunity and maybe we will.  We resonate with the staff's intentions and approach and we respect them very much.   Some of the staff at The Well are also starting a new rural project that will focus on an array of things including prevention efforts to help minimize the factors that make rural Thai women particularly susceptible to being trafficked..   I'm so excited about this and hope to be involved!  

When our friends told us about the Bamboo School we thought it would be a good opportunity to learn about another type of organization, but since we prefer working with older students and adults we were not prepared for the way these kids would change us. It was like a ball from left field unexpectedly hitting us in the face, and we couldn't and wouldn't want to shake the connection we now have with the Bamboo School family.  

At the Bamboo School we currently have 54 kids (the number fluctuates as new children come to live at BBS and as students move on to university).  Bamboo School is in Thailand on the border of Burma (Myanmar).  A huge number of refugees are now living in this area of Thailand after fleeing Burma.  The children at Bamboo School are from the hill tribe called 'Karen' (pronounced Kah-rehn), an ethnic group that is being murdered and tortured by the Burmese government.  The Karen people have been at war for basic human rights in their own country for the past 60 years.  Restless Souls by Phil Thornton is a good book to read for more about the situation.  The kids at BBS have varying stories.  Some are orphans.  Some have no father and their mother cannot care for them.  Some have parents who don't want them anymore.  Some have family still living in Burma.  At Bamboo School our goal is for the kids to have a family, a home and an education.  To be physically, emotionally and spiritually at peace. Their first language is Karen, second is Thai and third is English (some of the children also speak Burmese).  The children are enrolled in the local public Thai school.   The Bamboo School also runs a clinic for the local village and an ambulance service to take villagers to the hospitals (30 minutes and one hour away) when we cannot treat them in the clinic.  The Bamboo School was started by a New Zealander named Catherine Riley-Bryan (everyone calls her Momo Cat).   She has run the Bamboo School for over a decade with the help of volunteer staff who come and go on a continual basis.   Momo Cat has been dealing with cancer, rheumatoid arthritis and now has a lesion on her skull.  When we left Thailand to come to Korea she was awaiting brain surgery where they planned to replace her skull with a plastic one.   Now they are doing more tests and exploring some other possibilities but things are still very unsettled in regard to her health.  

We have finished teaching our winter camp in South Korea and on Tuesday we will be returning to Thailand.   We are slowly transitioning with the intention of living long term in Thailand.  Finances are the primary hurdle (aren't they always?).   We are very comfortable with living outside of the states for a long, long time, maybe forever.  If we have kid(s) we would like to raise them cross culturally and bi-lingually.  Even the financial issues should be relatively short lived.  Our costs in Thailand are extremely minimal.   And living in a community of bamboo huts and kids that routinely go barefoot to school makes things like new jeans and iPads seem pretty expendable.  We hope  that in the future we will be able to teach one or two short term camp jobs in South Korea each year and live the rest of the year in Thailand with what we earn.  Our current issue is we have Ryan's student loans from his masters degree to pay off and that may drive us back to South Korea for another year at some point soon.  We had seriously considered staying now to do another year of teaching in South Korea but couldn't shake a deep sense that Thailand is where we should be right now (especially with the uncertainty about Momo Cat's brain lesion).  We anticipate having about $2,000 to live off of for the next 6 months (until we can return to South Korea to teach a summer camp) and to be honest that's a sort of scary prospect.  However, it's a conscious choice we made.   We've learned not to run our life based on fear and we are confident we'll be fine.   We're experts at stretching a dollar to its limits!  :)  

I'm so excited to be going back to Thailand.  We intend to visit some of the kids' villages.   We hope to spend some time in Mae Sot (the major border town between Burma and Thailand where many refugees live).  We want to start Thai language school although that is not really feasible for now.   One of the former Bamboo School students has opened a similar school to BBS and we plan to help teach there for a couple weeks.  At some point we want to travel to Burma and would like to visit some of the kids' family members that are still living there, although there are limits on where white people are supposed to go.  

We do not know yet if Bamboo School will be our long term home in Thailand but we will forever be connected there.   If we need to live in Bangkok to have access to teaching jobs we may do that and spend weekends and holidays at Bamboo School.  These kids are our family now.   They are funny, resilient, stubborn, hardworking, affectionate and in some unexplainable way....ours.  We share them with an extended community of workers we have met at Bamboo School.   We dream that a long term staff will grow to help support Momo Cat in maintaining a stable place of belonging for our kids.  

Recently one of my friends who is on staff with The Well asked if we felt particularly connected to a certain people group or human rights "issue" (for lack of a better word).   I guess the simple answer to that for me personally is that women's rights and sex trafficking is the area I have seen myself working in.    But there is something bigger for me than that.  More than anything I am simply drawn to these people in Thailand who I have come to love and it's not so much about where I work as it is being able to continue to be in their lives and express to them every day that they have value.  I believe that people need people....we are a gift to each other and I love more than anything to bring people together and especially to create environments where people can belong (whether is the living room of our apartment in Korea or the veranda of our bamboo hut in Thailand).   When I was a senior in university I wrote a personal mission statement for one of my classes and the two words I clearly remember were "facilitate community".   I was reading somewhere recently that it's a good idea to find the thing you can do all day long without tiring.....relating this to the idea of what you can offer to the world that not everyone can. I'm not sure if I entirely agree with this quote but I've always liked it: "Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.  And then go and do that.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Harold Whitman.    Hands down, the one thing I can do hour after hour after hour without tiring and that makes me feel the most alive is relationally connecting with others.  I love sitting with people, listening to their stories.  I've learned that I'm more of a mother than I've ever wanted to admit.  I hope in my life that I can help others feel loved, accepted and that they belong.   For me, knowing that we are valuable and belong represents everything that I believe spiritually about God.  If I can play a facilitating role in sharing that sense of home with the women at The Well and my kids at Bamboo School then I think that I will feel alive....and Thailand will continue more and more to feel like home to me.  

Thank you for reading.  For as transparent of a person as I am, sometimes I'm not very good at expressing myself about the things I care most about.  It's not that I don't want to, it's just hard for me to put it into words.   I also hope I haven't been too mushy.  I really don't like that. 

Dok Mai has been stealing hearts since day one when she was left by a very afraid mother at the hospital after giving birth on the way there.  Her name means "flower" and she flits easily between Karen, Thai and English.  Sometimes she translates for us in the clinic.  She's changing from a toddler to such a little lady.

Bathachore and his little brother Parquet were new to BBS this last time we came.  It took Bathachore maybe a day to realize I'm a constant source for cuddles and he loves em.  His new job was to clean one of the boys bathrooms.  I had to walk him through the process one time and after that he was SO excited to run up and tell me that his job was done.  He is so sweet and eager to please.

Puikoh and I have something special and I'm so excited that her English keeps improving.  She loves looking at books and I want so badly to be able to share some of my favorite children's literature with her.....someday I hope we can read Anne of Green Gables together! 

I can't look at this picture without smiling.  So innocent and so naughty!  Jaw Deh Bleh, More More Chore and Heygyemoo....Each one their own little bundle of personality. 

I love all the babies but since I've always been drawn to older kids and adults, all my big bamboo "babies" have my undying devotion.  Porsue is on the left - he's an English whiz, has unending energy and is a chatterbox about Karen culture.  He doesn't like to be pushed to do anything but on his own accord he helps out the other students more than most do.    Narget is on the right - I haven't met many young adults as multi-talented as him.  He is motivated to learn anything from sewing to typing to violin.  I told him I love the way he thinks because I can see it happening behind his eyes even though sometimes I can't quite read him.   In the middle is Muna.  He's Narget's younger brother and has the most beautiful smile and the worst singing voice (which he belts out with unashamedly).  If you catch him in the right mood he's quite the gossip as well.  Haha.

Cerechai is just simply brilliant.  He's quick witted, grins easily, loves bboying and is an artist.  He says he might be a doctor but he says he might change his mind.  I'd like to provide him with some more exposure to graphic design.  Thai people generally enjoy comic books more than reading so comics are a good way to spread health information, etc.   Cerechai is talented enough that I think the sky is the limit for him.

These kids can eat and eat and eat.  I love it.

My beautiful girls are forever on and on about how they want to be taller and thinner so I redirected a little of that attitude into a spur of the moment exercise session on the kitchen floor. 

Triple trouble.  These beauties (Goh-la-bah, Pawn and Kwanchai, left to right) vie for attention and seem to finally be learning that we have enough love to give all of them!

MomoCat and Heygyemoo sharing a secret belly laugh.

The gorgeous women and children at The Well when we first volunteered there.  I want to be everywhere at once!  These women speak so much beauty, worth and restoration to me.

chronologically speaking

Living in the jungle is a great way to practice living in the moment.  When we're living at Bamboo School I find that usually the urgent and everyday chaos is all consuming.  So much so that one day I opened my computer and saw my "BLOG" folder on the desktop and realized I had completely forgotten I even have a blog! 

Right now Ryan and I are in South Korea until the end of January to teach at an English winter camp.  I'm not very good at or even interested in blogging chronologically about our life.  Still....I had hoped that the blog would be a way to keep people updated on what we were doing and where we were because I know that changes too often for anyone to really follow.  

Ryan and I spent last summer in the states.  We stayed six months and hopped around visiting friends and family in LA, Seattle, Kentucky, Michigan, Chicago and Canada.  We hadn't planned to stay so long but Ryan's brother Stephen and his girlfriend Rachel got engaged and we stuck around for the wedding in August.  I danced harder at that wedding than any other before!  It's always good visiting home.  There are things about being in the states that are strange.  We experienced more culture shock this trip back than we have previously.  We find that we're happiest and most comfortable being in a foreign culture for whatever reason.   We don't have any desire to move back home any time soon, if ever.   But I still love going home.  I'm not a traveler who is running away from something at home and I never get bored when we're home.  It doesn't matter how long we go home, it never feels long enough! 

When we were home we had a photo shoot for our 10 year anniversary. This is one among many favorites. 

When I wrote the last post (about my 30th birthday) we were traveling in Italy for said birthday and our 10 year wedding anniversary.  We were heading back to Thailand from the states and were able to make our flight a multi-city ticket so we could do some special traveling and friend visiting on the way.   We spent a little over three weeks in Italy (Venice, Florence, Tuscany, Cinque Terre, Capri/Anacapri, Rome, ) and about a week in Spain (Barcelona and Sitges).  We had the best time in Europe.....Spain was so much fun thanks to our gorgeous friends Will and Sara and Italy didn't disappoint any of my lifelong fantasies.  On my birthday we were staying in Anacapri (on the island of Capri).  On our way back that night we stumbled across a community dodgeball game happening at some sort of outdoor community center.   We soon discovered that the referee's name was Luigi as the players shouted/whined his name every time they wanted to complain or argue about his calls.  By the end of the game there was a circle of guys in each others faces shaking their fists and fulfilling every stereotype I could imagine.  Happy birthday to me! :)   I would live in Italy for an extended period of time in a heartbeat.

The next leg of our flight was an extended layover in Egypt (Cairo and a little jaunt to Alexandria) for about a week that only added about $20 to our ticket cost!!.   Stayed with a friend there and felt like the luckiest people alive.  Can't properly explain how it felt seeing the Pyramids and the Great Sphinx in person.  Saw mummies (including Rhamses'!) and couldn't get over that I was looking at real people's bodies who had lived 4,000 years ago (their hair, toenails, seriously surreal) .  Stood staring at King Tut's famous mask for a long time....I could have touched it if I wanted to (and wanted to most likely spend the rest of my life locked away in some Egyptian prison).  Had dinner a couple times on the bank of the Nile River and took a sunset felucca (boat) ride there as well.  Pretty much felt like I was living in a National Geographic magazine.   

Giddy to finally be in Italia! 

Met up with Kelli and her lovely friends in Rome.  Being touristy at Trevi Fountain. 

Truly surreal. 

Our favorite day outside of seeing the pyramids and Egypt museum was a day we spent wandering in Islamic Cairo.  We turned down into a little neighborhood and felt uncomfortably conspicuous with our big camera but couldn't help stealing a shot of these little guys. 

Felucca on the Nile!  The Egyptian sun is truly different than the sun anywhere else I've been.  

Finally, in the end of September, we landed back in Thailand.   And Thailand is what I want to talk about.....in my next post!